Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Mother-in-law's birthday

Oh goody! It is my mother-in-law's birthday.
She tells me repeatedly that she did not take sides in the divorce. But since D-day she always speaks to me like I am the victim of some mysterious crime.
Of course her son Neville could not be guilty of running off with the nymphomaniac dog trainer ... he was seduced the poor thing.
I admit I hate Frieda (the dog trainer and new wife) for upsetting the whole apple cart. 
My life was pretty ordinary until the point when she took a personal interest in training our Dachshund and SPCA special.
Of course I did not know she was more interested in my ex and his obedience training. Perhaps she gave him treats? I have visions of her making him kneel on the floor as she yells "Sit!" 
It was a small victory that I got the dogs in the divorce and they still cannot do anything but bark, eat and crap all over the garden. So much for her powers of persuasion.
According to my mother-in-law no man can really resist their sexual urges. This is apparently why her own husband dallied with several ladies at the local country club while doing bowls, tennis and golf.
Rita always describes her deceased husband as a sports enthusiast. I have a different idea of what sport he really liked.
Well I blame myself for marrying Neville. Like father like son ...Neville was a poor choice, but I figured settling for a dull life was preferable to a single one. 
Now I am divorced with two kids and a wild and exciting life. I get excited when he (douche bag ex) pays the kid's school fees. 
I make the children phone their grandmother to wish her happy birthday and she asks how I am getting on.
"Just fine!" I lie.

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